https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/12ewEx0OhA8oxEtonnxcoVYVDqo7K6Bu5XqG6ANInAjY/edit?usp=sharing

Life.
Well.
I don't know why,
why I'm drowning in this sea of life.
With all these problems,
they just wander around,
and swim like fishes.
Seems like I got forced,
to serve the human being.
With all this burden,
I am starting to ask myself.
"Can I really handle these?"
Seems like they want me,
they want me to rule them.
And I just outscreamed to myself.
That I'm not that one that you were looking for.
I am just an ordinary boy.
With all these fragile heart and head.
DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE A LEADER FOR YOU?
The things inside me, actually,
I'm just a nerd.
I'm just a shy boy.
I'm just a scaredy cat.
And the worst part,
I'm just a man who can even ignore people around me.
Deep inside me,
It is so hard for me to say no.
It is so hard for me to say sarcastic words.
But you people forced me to do that.
To change myself in front of you,
in case to keep your heart in one piece.
With all these pressures,
I can't even decide how to react.
I always imagine,
what if I was in your place?
What would I feel,
when I got some rude words?
when I got sliced by that mean tongue?
I always try to feel that.
But then I understand something.
I can't generalizing people,
that they were just like me.
Then I believe that this is the path,
that God has prepared for me.
The path that will lead me,
into something wonderful.
Something beyond my imagination.
Out of my mind.
I'll just get more stressed if I keep feel the pressure.
One thing that I need to do now,
is just believing that I was born with this path.
That this is the best path for me.
The God will never disappoint us..
And then I realize,
that Rohman without '[R]esponsibility',
will just be an 'Oh man...'

     Yo. This time early February, I wanna share about my recent life. I just visited my high school teacher and I learned a lot in our conversation. Yeah, it's not about a light thing to discuss, but I really enjoy it. We talked about how the history that we've learn were not all absolutely true. About how the dogma of some religions were not to be truly trusted yet. It has many motivational message though. But now I feel really grateful because I ever had that talk. One thing to remember that, we need to be positive and focus on what we dream about. And also never give up about it. Haha.
     Go on another day, I just think about what kind of resolution that I'll make this year. I'm nearly 20 now and I think I shall take more responsibility upon my life. I want to be a person who people can depend on. I want them to trust me. I want to make them happy. Especially for those who I labeled as special. I won't mention who are they, but I know they already realize that I treasure them. And so the world taste more different. It's changing every time. Sometimes it's sour, sometimes it's really sweet. But what can I do just taste it, and try to handle the taste and not get driven too far into it. I just realize that 'control' is the main term of 'grown up'. I have to take control of every emotions that lies inside of me. That love, anger, sadness... Just keep it myself til' I can find someone that I can really trust. But in fact, it's really hard to put my trust in someone. They're just human. The one who I trust the most is only God.
I also met a friend who study far from home. He really got some guts about his life. He just already learned how really the world is. The world which the vice and the virtue live together in harmony. He always has story to share, a words to cheer up their friends who nearly lose hope of life. He just never give up. And also, know where he stands. He knows where his place, and knowing the consequences of what he has done. He truly aware of it. And you know what? What just cross my mind...is that I should know where I will stand in the current term, and aware that things will not be like what I expected..if I'm not starting to change..from now on.
By the way, I also got my own stories. Beach camp, SEF, vacation, but I don't think I will share that for now. I'll keep it for later. Haha. So, just follow your curiosity here.

Yo.. Long time no see. Ini postingan pertama di tahun 2015. Yeay! Congrats, Man! Baiklah mungkin itu bukan suatu cara yang baik untuk menyelamati diri sendiri, taoi setidaknya saya memberikan penghargaan bagi diri saya agar bisa terus optomis untuk maju. (Halah.)
Yap. Masuk ke topik utama artikel ini. Ada kabar gembira karena sekarang Matchmaking Rating saya di game Dota 2 sudah mencapai 2000! Tepatnya 2024! Alhamdulillah. Yaaah.. Mungkin MMR segitu masih tergolong sangat cupu dibanding standar internasional pemain Dota 2 yang ada di kisaran 3000-an. Tetapi saya kira pencapaian meraih 2024 poin ini merupakan sebuah kemajuan beaar. Waktu perrama kali MMR saya keluar dalam calibrating games, rating saya hanya ada di kisaran 1500-an. (Sad ) Tentu saja saya menjadi bahan tertawaan dan korban bullying di net. Hahaha. Bahkan orang-orang menyarankan saya untuk membuat akun baru atau smurfing. Yeah.. I guess that's not a bad thing coz that will instantly new MMR which I believe will be around 2000. But seriously I can't do that. Menurutku hal tersebut akan menghilangkan bagian penting dari sebuah perkembangan, yaitu proses. Apa gunanya MMR saya tinggi tetapi terus  kalah dan jatuh karena belum bisa mengimbangi kompetitor2 di level segitu. FYI, tiap ranked match yang menentukan naik turunnya MMR akan memberikan poin 24-26. Jadi kalau kalah bisa nambah 24-26 dan kalau kalah akan kehilangan segitu juga. Jadi menurut saya peningkatan saya juga bisa dikatakan bukan sesuatu yang mudah dilakukan. :v
Just so u know, terkadang bila maen di MMMR rendah tu temen setim kita bisa menjadi musuh dalam selimut. Mereka bisa menjadi beban bagi tim dan menghambat laju tim untuk menang. Apalagi orang Pinoy. Mereka begitu egois dan selalu menyalahkan tanpa introspeksi diri. (Sigh )
Yah.. Mungkin itu saja isi artikel kali ini. Memang topiknya ngga penting sih. Hanya bermain game. Tapi saya mendapat pelajaran berharga yaitu menghargai proses. Sekarang walaupunteman2 saya masih membully saya tetapi paling tidak saya telah membuktikan kepada mereka bahwa saya bukan seorang yang menyerah karena MMR rendah dan membiat akun baru agar bisa naik secara instan. Sorry, but I'm not that kind of quitter.